Frustration

I'm frustrated with a few things today. I think number one is finances, and I'm trying so hard not to let that bring me down. I've been applying to a million jobs over the last few weeks. I'm trying to work around my family vs. having my family work around my job.
I'm ok with working in the evenings because Andrea falls asleep fairly early, and I wont feel as though I'm missing out on important stuff in her life. Plus, I know we need the money bad, and I'm ready to be debt-free.

However, I struggle with not being there for the hubby when gets home from work. I like being there to see his face when he walks in the door. I enjoy eating dinner with him everynight, and just hearing about his day. I guess it's temporary and it wont last that long. I hope I dont miss out on too much. Well, first I hope to find a job to get us out of the hole.
I guess I was just starting to really enjoy having my baby sleep through the night, have time for just Beto and I.

I guess I"m also feeling a bit empty right now, and kind of alone. Sometimes I feel like Im being judged for SAH. Like I feel like people are like if your so damn broke why dont you go get a job. The thing is that I'd rather eat dirt than drop my baby off with someone. I'm not knocking anyone that uses daycare, but I have very strong feelings about this, and I want nothing more than to be the one with my child everyday. LIke I really dont care if I dont have new clothes, new shoes, or anything else as long as I'm home with my baby I'm so happy. I finally found what I was looking for in life. For the first time ever, I can say I'm fulfilled. I know that this is what I was always meant to do. I'll leave at that. That makes me happy knowing I feel fullfilled spending every waking moment with my daughter.

It's been a while.

wow. I can't believe I left the blog for over two weeks. I'm sorry blog. It's been very busy lately. I've been diligently looking for a part time evening job. I need something to come up very soon. I've applied to several different places, but haven't had any calls yet. This makes me very worried. I'm looking into anything that I can get my hands on. I need to make some extra money very soon. I dont really want to do this, but I know it's a big necessity in our lives right now. I'm just glad Andrea is STTN, and I wont feel like I'm missing much. Ughh why can't it just freaking rain money for a second? LOL. I just want to make enough money to pay off some bills and than I'll call it quits. I need evenings and weekends so that I dont miss out of my childs life. At least on the weekends I'll know she is with daddy and that makes me feel better. I'm praying to the good man upstairs to land something for me real soon. Well, I'll check back in tomorrow or something.