Frustration

I'm frustrated with a few things today. I think number one is finances, and I'm trying so hard not to let that bring me down. I've been applying to a million jobs over the last few weeks. I'm trying to work around my family vs. having my family work around my job.
I'm ok with working in the evenings because Andrea falls asleep fairly early, and I wont feel as though I'm missing out on important stuff in her life. Plus, I know we need the money bad, and I'm ready to be debt-free.

However, I struggle with not being there for the hubby when gets home from work. I like being there to see his face when he walks in the door. I enjoy eating dinner with him everynight, and just hearing about his day. I guess it's temporary and it wont last that long. I hope I dont miss out on too much. Well, first I hope to find a job to get us out of the hole.
I guess I was just starting to really enjoy having my baby sleep through the night, have time for just Beto and I.

I guess I"m also feeling a bit empty right now, and kind of alone. Sometimes I feel like Im being judged for SAH. Like I feel like people are like if your so damn broke why dont you go get a job. The thing is that I'd rather eat dirt than drop my baby off with someone. I'm not knocking anyone that uses daycare, but I have very strong feelings about this, and I want nothing more than to be the one with my child everyday. LIke I really dont care if I dont have new clothes, new shoes, or anything else as long as I'm home with my baby I'm so happy. I finally found what I was looking for in life. For the first time ever, I can say I'm fulfilled. I know that this is what I was always meant to do. I'll leave at that. That makes me happy knowing I feel fullfilled spending every waking moment with my daughter.