When?

When? This question comes up all the time. You bring a boyfriend to a few family functions the question starts to come up, "When are you gonna get married"?, you get married you start to hear "when are you gonna have a baby"? It's like it's contagious or something. At least one person has to ask this, and they have to ask in front of a big crowd. It's almost like a ritual or a rite of passage.

Anyway, the whole point is that now this little baby of ours is so close to being here we are getting asked the "so when are you going to have the next one"? The question itself doesn't bug me much, it's the response or look I get when I answer that question. Both mine and Beto's response is usually something along the lines of "hopefully we can have another, right now we are focused on making sure this one comes home safely with us".

As I've mentioned before, Beto and I always dreamed of a large family. By large I mean at least 5 kids, if not more. It's very obvious to us that wont be happening anymore for various reasons. I'm a c-section only mama. As much as I would love to do a VBAC, the doctor wont even attempt because of my risk of uterine rupture. As a matter of fact just going into labor can put me in a very dangerous spot. I had a rough delivery with Andrea, and they had to cut me up all sorts of ways to get her out. I'm hoping that when they get this little fellow out there isn't much scar tissue, and the doctor gives me the green light to have one more in the future.

So the point is that when we explain that we may not be able to have a third child people kind of give us that look of why not, or come on you can have one more. I just think to myself, "hello did you forget we've lost 2 along the way, and remember that my uterus isn't as perfect as others". Can I get pregnant again? Sure, I mean it's clear I dont have a problem getting pregnant, but making it an entire 9 months is a different story, and I've accepted God may just have a different plan. Also, after this baby I have to really take into consideration whether the risk of having another baby is worth it or not. I mean I will have two little kids to think about. If my doctor doesn't recommend it I have to live with that. I can't risk leaving two young children behind if something were to go wrong.

The other look of horror we get is when we mention that if I can't have another baby we will consider adoption in a few years. I've gotten laughs, blank stares, and just crazy looks. What's so insane about what I just said? I dont get it. What's wrong with considering adoption. Adoption has always been on our minds long before we even lost Gabe or the other baby. Adoption was always an option even if we had been able to have 5 kids of our own.

It's not a joke and we will seriously look into in the future. I guess I just don't understand why it's automatically assumed that anyone can just have as many kids they want when they want, and the thought of raising a child you didnt bear is just crazy. Unfortunately I've got the questions, the looks, and the laughs for more than just a handful of people. I'm pretty sure they didnt mean to offend or hurt us, and they just dont know how to react to certain things, but it just always makes me think what's going on inside their heads.