Ever wonder

I should be in bed, but it's one of those nights that my mind is racing in so many directions to shut down and sleep.

Do you ever wonder where life would have taken you if you hadn't made that turn, if you hadn't made that decision, or if you would have just had more patience? I know I can't change the past, and I believe that everything happens for a reason, but sometimes I can't help but wonder.

I wonder about everything. What if I had decided to study something else in college, what if I had never opened up that first credit card, only if...

Every decision that's made leads to another and another and another. I dont think I'd trade in my life for anything else because it's been lessons learned, and it's made me a more compassionate and loving person, but I know there are things I could've done in the past that would've made life much easier now.

I love my children to pieces, and though I would do just about anything to be able to even hold Gabe in my arms for even a minute, it was written that I didnt get that chance for a reason. I miss him so much.

Do you ever wonder?