When?

When? This question comes up all the time. You bring a boyfriend to a few family functions the question starts to come up, "When are you gonna get married"?, you get married you start to hear "when are you gonna have a baby"? It's like it's contagious or something. At least one person has to ask this, and they have to ask in front of a big crowd. It's almost like a ritual or a rite of passage.

Anyway, the whole point is that now this little baby of ours is so close to being here we are getting asked the "so when are you going to have the next one"? The question itself doesn't bug me much, it's the response or look I get when I answer that question. Both mine and Beto's response is usually something along the lines of "hopefully we can have another, right now we are focused on making sure this one comes home safely with us".

As I've mentioned before, Beto and I always dreamed of a large family. By large I mean at least 5 kids, if not more. It's very obvious to us that wont be happening anymore for various reasons. I'm a c-section only mama. As much as I would love to do a VBAC, the doctor wont even attempt because of my risk of uterine rupture. As a matter of fact just going into labor can put me in a very dangerous spot. I had a rough delivery with Andrea, and they had to cut me up all sorts of ways to get her out. I'm hoping that when they get this little fellow out there isn't much scar tissue, and the doctor gives me the green light to have one more in the future.

So the point is that when we explain that we may not be able to have a third child people kind of give us that look of why not, or come on you can have one more. I just think to myself, "hello did you forget we've lost 2 along the way, and remember that my uterus isn't as perfect as others". Can I get pregnant again? Sure, I mean it's clear I dont have a problem getting pregnant, but making it an entire 9 months is a different story, and I've accepted God may just have a different plan. Also, after this baby I have to really take into consideration whether the risk of having another baby is worth it or not. I mean I will have two little kids to think about. If my doctor doesn't recommend it I have to live with that. I can't risk leaving two young children behind if something were to go wrong.

The other look of horror we get is when we mention that if I can't have another baby we will consider adoption in a few years. I've gotten laughs, blank stares, and just crazy looks. What's so insane about what I just said? I dont get it. What's wrong with considering adoption. Adoption has always been on our minds long before we even lost Gabe or the other baby. Adoption was always an option even if we had been able to have 5 kids of our own.

It's not a joke and we will seriously look into in the future. I guess I just don't understand why it's automatically assumed that anyone can just have as many kids they want when they want, and the thought of raising a child you didnt bear is just crazy. Unfortunately I've got the questions, the looks, and the laughs for more than just a handful of people. I'm pretty sure they didnt mean to offend or hurt us, and they just dont know how to react to certain things, but it just always makes me think what's going on inside their heads.

So much going on.

We have so much going on in our lives right now it's crazy! I know that sometimes it just happens that way, but we have some MAJOR things happening, and it's all becoming a bit overwhelming! Things are all happening so quickly, and I can't believe we will have a new baby in less than 6 weeks! It's all happening so fast.

April is quickly approaching us, and it's such a bitter sweet month for me. Gabriel's birthday is coming up. I can't believe my little boy would have been 1! I should be prepping for a big birthday celebration. Instead we will be going to our usual Starved Rock, and remembering our boy as we plan to do every year. The one year anniversary of losing our second baby is also coming up the first week in April. My little sunshine in April is my Goddaughters birthday, and it just so happens to be the March of Dimes walk that day too.

I've still been trying to figure out what it is that I'm looking for, but since so many other things are happening right now I've got to kind of put that in the back of my mind for a few. Hopefully once the baby is here things will start to settle, and we can return to some kind of normalcy this summer.

Here's to hoping all goes as planned!

Looking for something

These last few days I've been doing a lot of thinking. There are many changes going on in our lives right now, and so far 2011 has proven to be a great year of change. Of course our biggest thing is that our new baby boy will be here in less than 7 weeks! I can't wait to meet the little guy, and go through that newborn stage all over again!

However, there are a ton of other changes going on that we are looking forward to also. I know that every few months I'll get this crazy itch to do something. It's been a while since I've had a hobby or have gone out and done something that is just mine. I love my job as a SAHM, and I'm very fulfilled with being around my daughter everyday, but I know I need to do something that doesn't include her, the new baby, or my husband. I need something in my life that belongs to me. I plan on playing basketball again as soon as I'm cleared to after this baby is born, but I feel like I'm still missing something. I have this itch to start some type of business or something along those lines.

I'm not crafty by any means, and I'm not even very business oriented, but I'm stuck! I know there is something out there that I need to be doing, but I can't just figure out what. I'm not looking to become a millionaire off of whatever idea I may come up with, but I'm just hoping to have some extra cash for my spending habits. We are thankfully not so strapped for cash anymore, and it's not like I desperately need to find extra income for my family to have food on the table, but I have this itch and I want to scratch it.

I dont want to go back to the workforce or anything like that. The thought of having to do that again makes me very paranoid. I love what I do. I knew I was built to do this. I am one of those people that was made to stay at home with my kids. I love seeing my daughter smile and happy. I love coming up with different activities for her everyday, and I'm so excited to add another child to the mix, but I know I also need something that belongs to me. After playing house, school, and reading the same books all day everyday, I need a getaway. I just need to figure out what that getaway will be.

Bad blogger!!!

I can't believe I went well over a month without updating, especially with all that happened in February! I guess I was just that busy that I haven't really been on the laptop very much. My month included a trip to labor and delivery, surviving a plane trip to Vegas with a 2 year old by myself, having the time of my life in Vegas, getting to the 7 month pregnancy mark, and surviving an entire month with the husband being across the world.

It was quite the month, and there is so much to be said, but I feel that a lot of it deserves it's own post. Thankfully my trip to labor and delivery turned out to be nothing more than dehydration and overdoing it on the cleaning part. Those were some serious contractions though, and it couldn't have happened at a worse time. Beto had just arrived in Singapore a few hours earlier, and I was out with friends for a birthday celebration.

Thankfully I've got some great friends, and they didnt leave my side. The trip itself was scary with or without a loss, but having already experienced a loss I was trying really hard not to freak. My contractions were pretty painful, and pretty consistent. I was also trying not to alarm my friends, and in the end we ended up cutting the birthday cake in my hospital room, and well we have another story to add to the books. I hope to not have to return to L&D until it's time for the c-section. I was barely 24 weeks at the time, and I knew that while this little guy had a fighting chance if he came that early it would be a long uphill battle. Thankfully he's still cooking in the oven, and everything seems to be going well so far.

I'll leave my big trip to Vegas for another post. It's just a lot for one post, and I created a lifetime of memories with my daughter during that trip.