Christmas is only 2 days away. The holidays will always be a bittersweet time for me. We lost Gabe during the holidays, and it's always painful to know he isn't here with us, but it's Christmas, and the family gatherings and watching our daughter is always helpful.
This would've been Gabe's first Christmas with us. He would be 8 months old. I often pass by the baby section at the stores, and now that I see all the cute outfits, I wonder which one I would have picked out for him. He would also have "my 1st Christmas" outfit on. It's all these things I guess you ponder on on your own. It's like the lights are just a bit dimmer than what they were before we lost him, but they aren't completely shut off cause he's everywhere.
There's a song in Spanish by Marco Antonio Solis called "Otra Navidad sin ti", translated "Another Christmas without you". I often listen to it during this time, and I guess it just brings comfort in some ways.
I have so many things to be thankful for this year, but my boy not being here will always be something I'll miss.
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Thank you so much for your prayers. I read you blog from beginning to end and it really gives me hope that I will somehow manage to make it through this.
ReplyDeleteI promise you, you will. It's such a long and difficult journey that never really ends, but you will be amazed at yourself at how strong you are, and how a year from today you will still be in pain, but you will have overcome so much more than you ever could imagine. Trust me, I didnt believe things would get easier with time, but it does. Your heart will always have a hole that will never ever heal, but it does get better. Hang in there.
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