Old Pics

I was organizing some pictures for the BFF from her bachelorette party, and I started going through Andrea's old pics from when she was just a month or two old. Brought back so many happy memories. Short days and sleepless nights, where everything was still so new, and you weren't exactly sure of the decisions you were making, but yet they felt right. When you wondered what life would be like in a year or two, and you were so in love with your little one, and you just had the rest of your life so planned out, and never figured it would go so wrong.

I love Andrea with all that I have and more, and I thank God for her everyday, but looking at her baby pictures brought back a lot of feelings that I never thought I'd ever feel. I wondered if Gabriel would have looked like her, I wondered if I would ever hold a baby of my own that small and innocent. I almost have forgotten what it feels like to have such a small one at home. People look at Andrea and say how cute she is, but there is something about babies that people go gaga over. They are new and tiny, and I want that back when I look at those pictures. I want that feeling back of holding something so small that I made all over again. As afraid as I am to try again, the itch keeps coming back when I see pictures like that.