Than our world came crashing down

Leading up to the days of the big u/s everyone kept asking if I was excited. I was anxious to find out the gender, but deep down inside I just wanted a healthy baby more than anything. I don't know if it's mother's intuition or what, but the days before I just asked God to show me a healthy baby.

November 24th started out as a typical day for me. I got up checked my email, and of course posted on facebook that today was the big day. Andrea woke up in a good mood, and I had Xavier for a few hours. Around 1115am Xavier left, and I got Andrea ready to start heading out the door. I went to pick up Manny and Letty from school, and I will never forget how excited Letty was that it was FINALLY the day to find out the gender. She was sooooo excited about this baby, and I promised her she'd be the first person we'd call as soon as we got out of the office.

Dropped the kids off at their grandpa's, and I went to go pick up Beto at work. We got to the office a few minutes early. Andrea hadn't napped, but she seemed to be doing okay. Finally they called our name, and we went into the ultrasound techs room. Andrea sat quietly in Beto's lap, and just fell asleep at the right moment. The tech started looking, and I got a sinking feeling. Something just didn't feel right. She asked me how far along I was which made me a bit nervous, but not nervous enough. Than she asked me who my Dr. was, and if I had already seen my Dr. today. Once she asked that I knew it was not good. The tech seemed so desperate to find a heartbeat. She pulled and prodded, and moved the Doppler over and over again. Finally she said she'd be right back, and sure enough she came back with Dr. Deaver. NOT GOOD AT ALL.

Dr. Deaver tried so hard to look for something herself, but it just wasn't there. She looked at me in the eye, and just said, "I'm so sorry but there is no heartbeat". I felt the world just come crashing down on me. The tears just started flowing, and I couldn't even look at Beto's face. It broke my heart to see him so sad. Dr. Deaver was so nice, and I can see her eyes get teary eyed as she sat and talked to us about our options. I know it's her job, but I didnt want to have options, I wanted to have my baby.

They ran test to see if they could determine where things had gone so wrong. I was just in shock as I could've sworn I felt my baby kick the day before. It's just the most awful, spearing feeling in the world. I pray to God I never feel the way I did that day ever again.