My year in review

I like to review my year each year. I like to remember the things that happened in my life, and how they have affected my life. I've been sitting here thinking about this year a lot, and of all the things that have happened this year, and I can't seem to remember a whole lot before May. I mean I know things happened, but it's like my year is a blur from January-April. Maybe it's a good thing, I dont know.

Anyway, I'll start out by saying that the year started out rough for us financially, and it kind of never got better. We had our good months, but for the most part it sucked. Working at Domino's helped out for a while, but it was physically draining, and it wasn't doing my marriage any good. I also missed Andrea like crazy in the evenings. So that gig only lasted like 3 months.

What I do remember clearly about this year is how much Andrea has grown, all her milestones, and how my love for her grows stronger each day. She has always been the bright side to my days even when she is having a bad day herself. Now that she is walking and hopefully starts talking soon I'm sure we'll have more fun than ever.

We got a tenant that sucks ass at times, but the money is nice. I've learned how bad it sucks having a house we can't really afford. However, I think both Beto and I have grown a lot through ths experience. I'm not sure what we will do about tenant when April comes around and her lease expires. A part of me wants to talk to her, and just make some rules for living in our house clear, but at other times I dont know if I feel like dealing with her. In the end of it all we sit back and laugh at most of the bullshit she's put us through. What else can you do, but laugh in this life?

So I'm writing this blog, and I'm trying to review my year with everything that happened, but only the obvious keeps coming to my mind, losing Gabriel. I didnt want this entry to be consumed only by his loss, because despite the pain, tears, and sadness his loss has brought me I did have laughs and good times.

For 20 weeks out of the 52 weeks in this year I was so completely fulfilled. I had my Andrea keeping me on my toes everyday, and I had Gabriel growing inside of me. I had it all planned out, and I was so excited to have a baby all over again. I guess this year just wasn't meant to be the year.

A big part of me wants to just forget 2009 existed, but I know that I cant, and it just wouldn't be fair. My little girl turned one this year, we celebrated our 2nd anniversary, my brother got engaged to my best friend, I turned 27 years old. I mean I have a lot to thank God for in this year as crappy as it was. I guess I really dont want to forget this year, it's the year that I did have Gabriel with me even for a short while. It'll always be a bittersweet year for me.

As much as i can't wait for the fresh start and the new beginning, a part of me is so sad to say goodbye to 2009. It was the crappiest of years, but I hold a very bittersweet feeling towards this year. Gabriel was a part of this year, and it makes me so sad that he wont be a part of 2010 like he is supposed to be. I can't for this year to end, but a part of me wants to stay stuck in it forever just cause I had Gabriel inside of me in this year. I hold so many hopes and dreams for 2010, but I just wish Gabe were a part of those hopes and dreams. I will never forget my baby boy.

So I guess this is all I have for this year. I really hope that when I write about next year, a much better picture is painted. I thank God for having let me live through this year no matter how crappy it was. Seriously, in the end I matured more, learned to love more, prayed more, and appreciated things more. My dear Gabriel will always be my favorite memory of 2009 even though I never actually saw his face or touched his skin. With this I wave goodbye to 2009, and everything that happened in this year. I'll never forget....