NYE

New Year's Eve was a good time with some tears I had predicted. I had this overwhelming feeling of sadness at around 11pm. I just felt that was the last hour I'd ever spend in the year that Gabriel was still a part of me. So much had happened in 2009, and I was so ready for a fresh start, but a part of me will always stay in 2009, and I will never get that back. Once the clock struck midnight I just lost it. I felt like I was saying my final goodbye to Gabriel. I really felt like that was it. He is something that happened in the past, and this is now. Don't get me wrong, I never will forget him, I never will stop hurting over him, and I never will be the same person again, but I understand it's a fresh start. I know there will be dates in 2010 that will be overwhelmingly difficult to live through. The thought of April rolling around makes me cringe. I dont know how I will deal with the day that Gabriel was supposed to make his appearance. Only time will tell I suppose.

The rest of the night was filled with drinking and fun for the most part. There was an incident that makes me cringe, but I won't let that ruin the rest of my night. I'm glad I was able to let a lot of feelings out, and I was heard, and that felt wonderful. Karaoke was a blast, and I'm just glad New Year's turned out the way it did. I think it was the perfect setting for the mood I was in. I have so many hopes and dreams for 2010, and I know that with God's help it's all in my power to achieve exactly what I'm searching for. I'm going to make this the most amazing year yet, not only for me, but for my husband and daughter. I have hereby declared this The ABY, Beto, and Andy year. ;) Hope all of you are recovering from your hangovers as best as possible. Tomorrow is the day I start focusing on the rest of this new year.