On a roll

I'm on a roll of having a lot on my mind, but not a lot to write about. LOL. I'm afriad to bore whoever does sit here and read my blogs with the same stuff everyday. I've been watching Sophia and Xavier this week, and well now I know what it's like to have 3 kids under the age of 3. In it's own twisted way it's fun. I mean I know it's not the same as having my own kids because I get to give two of the three back by 5pm, but I mean I still get a good gist of how things are. It's hectic, but I enjoy it. I guess its just my love for kids. They are so innocent and pure, and they just dont have a care in the world. Kind of always brings out the kid in me again everyday. I've never colored so much in my life, and I've never been loved on so much either. It's nice seeing my daughter love on a tiny little baby, and see her learning how to share with a bigger kid too.

It's all so bittersweet. I can't believe how much Andrea loves Sophie, and how excited she gets by her. She is so quick to run to the bedroom door as soon as she hears Sophia wake up from a nap. She's in such a hurry to get her again. She constantly wants to feed her the bottle, and also give her some of her own food. She smothers her with hugs and kisses the whole day. Just amazing. I guess she's more than ready to have a sibling. It's so nice to know she can handle a little baby, yet it's so heartbreaking to know she was so close to having that little baby brother of her own. I can only imagine how close they would be, and how much love she would offer to Gabe. I know one day she'll have more siblings, but she'll never be able to love on Gabe at this tiny age that she's at. They were going to be 20 months apart. So sad to know that she wont ever get to experience being a big sister at such a tiny age. See it just never stops, always something there to remind you of the tragic end to a perfect baby. Gotta let God take care of things.

I also need to just let go, and accept that some people will never know what to say or ever say anything at all. Both hurt just as much. I have to just let go of a lot of resentment I carry in my heart towards some of the people I love the most.